I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
too bad you live with your parents still
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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