Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
