i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
