Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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