omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
