you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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