Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
