You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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