you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
