i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
