I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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