Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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