had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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