Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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