i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
