hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
