It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
