I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
