I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
