it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
