Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
