Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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