what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
