Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
