last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
