hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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