4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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