You just made me feel so damn special
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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