i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
