..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
