WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
