in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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