dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
