If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
