The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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