Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
