I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
