Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
