i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
