I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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