I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
