My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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