If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I could have mohawked her pubes.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
