Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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