have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
