i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Randomize
