I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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