I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I could make wine with my vomit
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
