I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
