Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
